Type 2: The Helper

Triad (Corner):             Heart (image, feeling)
Core Issue:                  Shame
Personality runs on:      Rejection
Values:                       Positive Outlook
Style:                         Compliant to superego demands to
                                 be loving and helpful.
Passion:                      Pride
Virtue:                        Humility
Need:                         To be needed

Description: Twos are friendly, outgoing, helpful, and aware of the needs of others. The superego message of 2s is that they should “be helpful and loving.” One of the most outwardly emotional types, Type Twos overexpress their feelings, particularly love and sadness. When average to unhealthy, Twos need to be needed, and will praise and flatter others so that others will come to like them and rely on them.

Twos are very in tune with the needs of other people and try to meet those needs. And they expect others to be equally in tune with their needs, and to pay them back. When fixated they keep score, and when not paid back get resentful and manipulative. Twos seem to take on self-destructive behaviors like overeating, drinking too much, or smoking. They internalize their hurt feelings, and somaticize easily. This can lead to actual physical illnesses in which others are forced to take care of them.

 

When in the presence of others, it is almost impossible for Twos to figure out what their own needs are. When they move to Point 4, they learn to withdraw from people in order to figure out what their own needs are. They realize that they are human and their motivations aren’t always pure. They are willing to seek help and input from others. At their best Twos learn to feel their feelings and take care of their own needs directly, like a healthy 4.

Healthy Twos attract people. They are the people who leave their doors open and seem to have people wandering in and out and making themselves at home.

Examples of this type: Mother Theresa, seeing eye dogs, Mary Kay Ash, Mr. Rogers, Leo Buscaglia, classic codependency, the Jewish mother stereotype “After all I’ve done for you…!” Kathy Bates (watch Ambulance Girl (healthier) or Misery (very unhealthy)), the father in the movie Shine (unhealthy), Danny Glover, Alan Alda.

An exercise for Type 2: At the beginning of a commercial flight on an airliner, the flight attendants give a little safety speech. Included in this speech is something like this: "In the case of rapid depressurization of the airplane, the oxygen masks drop down. Put the oxygen mask on yourself first." There is a reason for this - you won't be any good to others if you, yourself, are passed out from lack of oxygen.

For twos, this is a difficult concept. So, try this:

Go somewhere you can be alone, where there is no one else who has needs that you feel the need to fulfill. Right now, you are not responsible for taking care of a child, feeding your spouse, helping at church, or feeding the starving children in India. Trust that there is a higher power who will take care of everyone else, that there is a bigger plan, that there is enough love to go around, even without yours.

Ask yourself what you (YOU) want, right this minute, for yourself? Do you want a bubblebath? To take a walk? A cigarette? To eat massive quantities of fudge brownie ice cream?